The dangers of working for fruit companies...
A warning to all of you who want to work in fruit...
If you are one of my readers,you probably hear a lot of stuff these days about all the advancements taking place in the fruit industry these days. Many people are dying to get into fruit, flying there if you will… But there are hazards and this one I will tell you as a warning.
The story I will tell you was passed down to me from my dental hygienist and she got this story from her hairdresser. Which is kind of neat to think about, you often don’t really imagine the people that you have appointments to needing appointments to see other people… But they are people just the same as you and me, except orthodontists or plastic surgeons… Don’t trust them they wanna play god, especially orthodontists. Am I onto something at all about the appointment thing? Maybe everyone else has already accepted this?
But the story I am telling you is a warning…
I will now tell you exactly what I heard;
‘So pacific fruits you’ve heard of that right, everyone has. Anyone who knows anything about fruits knows if you want cutting edge fruit you go to pacific’
I nodded the best I could as the dental hygienist used that awful scraper tool on the inside of my teeth, that is the worst part. I’m a bit squemish when it comes to scraping the outside, but when they do it on the inside I mean that really makes me want to brush better, I need to hold both sides of the chair.
Continuing
‘And so my hair dresser she’s saying how her fiance is working at pacific fruits in their fruit science department, working on experimental new fruits.’
‘What type’ I ask as best I can.
‘Shit you wouldn’t believe, purple watermelons, grapples (grape and apple combined), blue raspberries’
I started thinking she was talking about vape flavours and my mouth started watering, but don’t worry that straw that sucks out the water and spit was in my mouth so the dental hygienist had no idea and didn’t pause her story or anything.
‘Anyways right, the fiance and my hairdresser were getting married, that weekend, and then going on their honeymoon, so the fiance thinks what could make their trip to Bora Bora better, but if they had a purple watermelon to eat on their wedding night. You know I say you should eat something else on your wedding night if you know what I’m saying…OOPs sorry you’re too young please don’t tell the dentist about that joke’ said the hygenist.
‘I’m 20’ I said.
‘But how your teeth they look so young, I have never seen such a set of teeth’ exclaimed the hygienist!
‘I floss, that is why! everyone lies to the dentist about that, except for me, but continue your story’ I said.
‘Ok so yeah the fiance he’s biking home, you won’t get hired at a fruit company unless you bike, no not these days. And supposedly the fiance got nervous biking with this precious cargo in his bike’s basket. To you and me a purple watermelon looks no different from the outside, both are green, but to a fruit scientist the stripes are a dead give away. So the fiance starts getting nervous at a stoplight he sees the car next to him and thinks the passenger is eyeing his watermelon, obviously he gets nervous, but then he starts to bike away as to not give up the secret of pacific fruits…. SHMANGY! in his fear he crossed without looking and gets smoked by a car.’
‘Holy shit I’m sorry to hear’ I say.
‘I never knew the guy, besides he was a total hand holder, always holding hands with my hair dresser, ever since he’s been gone I get a way better hair cut now, now her hands get to breath… It’s really important they do, otherwise you get a bad grip on the scissors.’
‘He died?’
‘Stop asking questions or I am gonna end up spoiling the whole story’
‘Sorry’ I muttered
‘It’s OK’ replied the hygienist. 'do you want mint, bubblegum or pina colada flavoured flouride?’
‘Pina Colada please’
‘AHA! I knew it, all this talk of fruit huh?’
‘Yeah’
‘Ok, but so the car hits him, and he just goes flying, but so does that watermelon. Both hit the ground the watermelon breaks and goes everywhere, the fiance hits it and gets hurt real bad, but not too bad’
‘But he dies?’
‘Would you please just let me tell the story, I’m getting there. So the ambulance shows up to the scene pretty much immediately, there was one nearby or something… and then as they go to walk over to help the guy, but one of them notices the purple watermelon… and when he tries it he can’t get enough, he’s telling the rest of them to try it and so they do… Supposedly the stuff is like crack, they can’t get enough, ripe, juicy, crisp and a flavour that tastes like nothing you can fathom.’
‘What about the fiance isn’t he bleeding out?’ I ask.
‘You bet! and when he lays there on the ground moaning for help, guess what the first responders do?’
‘What?’
‘They think he’s asking for a piece of purple watermelon! and they start putting some in his mouth?’
‘No way?’
‘Yes way, the fiance dies from choking as the medics are feasting on the watermelon… A broken collar bone that’s all he had’
‘That’s wild, how is your hairdresser dealing with this?’
‘It was rough at first, but the courts ruled that pacific fruits owes it to her to get some of that purple watermelon since it killed her would be husband… And get this, she tells me she’s saving up the seeds… She was able to postpone that trip to Bora Bora and she’s gonna take her seeds there. I’ll miss her cuts cause damn she’s been good ever since that man stopped squeezing her poor little hands, but I can make peace with losing her, nothing makes me sadder than to see a young couple so tragically split apart.’
‘What a story’ I said, not knowing what else could possibly be said.
‘Yeah it is I know, and now the dentist is about to come in, you better not utter a word of this to him, we’re going to a dental conference next week and I need something to talk to him about on the drive.’